Bikini Pics, BII & Learning To Love Your Body

Me again! Sorry this blog is a little later than usual due to my absence!

I am actually on holiday… I can’t believe I got away! It’s so nice to get away from the shit show going on in UK! Croatia is one of the few places that isn’t as affected, although there are still masks being worn in a lot of places, by the staff mostly! I feel so sorry for them, it’s like 34 degree heat here… I mean wtf! As if that wasn’t hard enough to work in they have got to cover their mouths and inhibit their oxygen intake! Apart from that it’s absolutely beautiful!

The hotel is a dream the view out onto the ocean and I’m so grateful to be here. I have always fancied trying Croatia, I think we get so used to going the places we know, and there are thousands of stunning places in the world…I want to experience them all! I booked with Travel Smart with Maria and they didn’t disappoint. We had to change our minds about 4 times due to this whole situation and couldn’t recommend them enough.

You may have seen my post from a few days ago regarding my first bikini pic since I had my breast implant removal, which I received heaps of lovely support, so thank you!

I had the removal last November so this is the first time I have worn a bikini, it’s took a while for them to settle and as I said on the post I have been feeling a little self conscious not having big boobs anymore! Well they were never part of me and I still don’t regret having them out! No matter what my health is the most important thing.

Although I feel a little less confident I still genuinely love the way my body looks without them now it was a bit of a shock but I am learning to love them just the way they are!

So, some of you might be asking what is breast implant illness (BII) as I was also completely unaware until 2 years ago myself. I had been having some issues with them and as I had them since I was 27, (which were the second ones as the first set I had when I was 21 had a capsular contracture, this is when a capsule is formed around the implant and over time begins to almost strangle the implants which can cause pain, possible rupture, rippling) I decided I needed to get them replaced. I hadn’t been feeling right for sometime but never even gave my implants a second thought, it was probably over the last 2 years of having them that the symptoms got progressively worse.

The trouble is a lot of the symptoms can sound quite general but after reading the list of them it made sense! There are so many and some are extremely serious but the main ones for me were fatigue, brain fog, muscle aches and pains, joint pain (I had a problem with my hip which I really struggled with even with carrying Halle when pregnant) I used to get up and limp like an old woman! Dry eyes, food allergies, general allergies, headaches, reoccurring colds. As well as them becoming hard with capsular contracture on the second set and this was becoming more and more painful.

Other symptoms include skin rashes, auto immune disease, Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, and even kidney failure!! Recently they have also proven links to a rare cancer alcl, more so in the textured implants which even more worryingly have been used for reconstruction of women that have had breast cancer or mastectomies!!!

There is a risk of rupture from the second you have them, this just depends on whether your body rejects them or not which is pretty scary in itself! If they do rupture and the silicone was to leak into your body then this is serious, as is very difficult to remove!

When I had my first breast augmentation I was only 21, so young I know. I had always wished for bigger boobs and felt they would make me more womanly, more in proportion. Society has created this perception of the perfect figure or the way we think a woman should look like and from a very early age we aspire to be that or have that!

When I was younger there was no social media either, so I can only imagine the pressure young girls feel about how they should look or feeling inadequate for having a full figure or even high cheek bones and big lips!

Lunchtime surgery is so readily available for anyone and usually performed by people that have no idea what they doing, which is pretty scary! The horrors I have seen of botched jobs is so sad. Like me when I had my implants, I had no idea of any of these symptoms, I probably didn’t even ask any questions or look into what the ingredients of them were or statistics of how many women actually had serious health issues with them! I was just like, yes I can have boobs and I can be better I can be more of a women.

Did I feel better? Yes of course I did. I felt sexy. I felt my clothes fit better. I felt in proportion. I felt like a women instead of a little girl! Interestingly towards the end of having them, after learning more about the harm they were causing in my body I began to not like the way they looked anymore and felt they didn’t fit my frame (maybe this was psychological, which just shows how your mind plays a huge part in wanting them in the first place… we have the power to recondition our minds to self acceptance!)

This is kind of sad and is so true of the thousands or millions of women that change their face or body everyday. Incidentally I haven’t had Botox or filler since before I had my implants removed as I began doing some research into this too and how dangerous and toxic these can be to us too! I only ever had tiny bits at a time as I was never into that frozen look or the big lips. The thing is, some of these girls are so young and changing their faces, freezing their muscles as young as 16/17, and once you begin it’s very difficult to stop. The minute you see some lines or get used to the way you look, you begin to think you may need a little more here and there, and let me tell you a lot of the people performing will probably be unlikely to tell you that you don’t need it as it’s all about ££…let’s face it everything is!

Don’t get me wrong, there are some very professional doctors out there, but ultimately, how many questions do people really ask about the substances that are been injected into their face or the toxic bags in their bodies…it’s probably not very many! ????

Maybe you think it’s worth the risk or maybe, just maybe, if we should really look at why we want to have surgery on the first place? Why don’t we love ourselves as we are? Who is influencing us to think we are not good enough? Social media? Comparing ourselves to others? Why are we not able to accept ourselves as we are? Maybe if we took more time to give ourselves a little self love we would feel worthy of the body we have.

It may not be the perception of the picture society paints of what we think we are supposed to look like, but who actually made that up anyway?

Anyway back to the implants story, and how I came to be informed (a little late in the day) about BII which led me to the decision of removal, which was in fact a random DM on Instagram, and if that wasn’t synchronicity, I don’t know what was!

I was thinking I need to get them replaced and even went to a couple of consultations. The universe was definitely sending me a message and I listened, so I started to do some research. When I learned of the ingredients and all the symptoms, which as I explained above, I had experienced many it all begin to make sense!

So I learned when you have anything in your body that is not supposed to be there you liver sends enzymes to seek it out to fight it and cleanse your body, whether it be an infection or a foreign object, these enzymes land onto the implants and eventually make it porous, which would cause the heavy metals ingredients to slowly leak into your body which in turn causes all the different symptoms, which I believed was happening to me! Don’t get me wrong your body can reject them instantly and you can become very poorly very quickly also.

The problem is the FDA have approved implants as safe and surgeons told many patients they last 20years or even a lifetime if they don’t experience complications. When women commit to paying for them they very rarely think about the cost of having them replaced or removed and this can be a problem. Thousands and thousands of women over the years have suffered with BII and been ignored and made to feel they are imagining this illness but once they are removed every symptom miraculously disappears! Yet still they insist there is no scientific links to proving BII is real!

This is extremely frustrating, as I truly believe if women were able to make an informed decision regarding the safety of them in the first place, if there was a mandatory law in place to show all patients the facts, figures, ingredients (believe me you will be shocked when you actually know what is inside these bags) and ALL the symptoms they can cause and have a huge impact on your health and in turn your quality of life then I ???? % know so many women would think twice about going ahead. If they then choose to go ahead they will have made an informed decision, so on their own head be it This is why I will continually try to raise awareness about BII to allow others to have a voice and understand what is happening to them and that they can change it.

I have spoken to so so many women that have been completely unaware and have gone ahead and removed them and felt completely different! The support network is incredible and I am proud to be part of this amazing movement. I have had no trouble from my hip since, I have aches from the gym which lasted all week which now last a day, my recovery is massively improved, my allergies have improved too…I feel genuinely better overall!

As they say, the heal is real! If I can give you some advice, as I would if I was able to go back and speak to my younger self…love the skin your in, everyone is beautiful as beauty comes from within if we began to work on ourselves from the inside, instead of starting on the outside and think that will change everything, we might actually begin to love ourselves the way we used to do as a baby. Everything is perception, change yours by changing your inner peace.

One thing that has been really valuable is for my girls to see what I have been through and the growth that has took place within me and continues to do so with loving myself and being comfortable in my own skin which I’m still working on, which in turn will have taught them a life lesson too! Especially with the world we live now! ????????

I will end by sending huge hugs and thanks to all those women that continue to spread this message and awareness on this subject, the ones that helped me through it…you know who you are. Anyone that would like more information on the subject, head over to Facebook page UK Breast Implant Illness Healing and Support Group… there is so much support on there. Thank you ladies. I salute you x

With love and natural beauty Leanne ????

P.s for those who asked me on Instagram, we stayed at the Royal Princess Hotel, the staff were lovely and all the people here in Dubrovnik were amazing!